Hey girls and theys! Here is my offering for week one of the year of our Lord 2022!

Are you familiar with the artist Jade Novah? If not, what's your problem? She's a moment!

Do you know who killed Jonbenét Ramsey? Because EYE don’t . 

​Do you Love Lucy? Me too!

Queen Album Review

1. Ganja Burns: I don’t know… “I could straighten all these bitches with one perm…” Child. “Gotta be king status to get in my body.” Singing. No thanks. There’s still 3 minutes left… Help God. Pleeze. ”At least I could say I wrote every rap I spit.” OH? STEEL singing (All credit to Tisha Campbell-Martin). She always tries to give us this lil run. I don’t need it…
2. Majesty (Ft. Eminem & Labrinth): I kinda see it for this intro. OKAY BEAT DROP!!!! I’m actually bobbing my head. Bum-Shanga-Langa-Lang. “They switching like sissies now.” Now Hold on, Sweetness… “He nuttin’ like Jiffy, now.” Oh dear… ALRIGHT EMINEM! I’m bobbing again. “Set a date with the devil?” I rebuke it. Right damn now. There’s 1 ½ minutes left. I’m tired, sis. WAIT! SWITCH UP! GO HEAD BITCH! Too many Nicki’s. Now this bitch is mumbling and coughing and shit. WAIT! It’s good again. I’m rocking! “Die slow!” AWRIGHT!
3. Barbie Dreams: She’s done ‘Dreams’ before. I’m not impressed. Who actually finds 50 Cent cute. Bow Wow is finna cry. Drake too. Meek too. I had to rewind. Uzi is going to hell. GIVE YOUNG THUG THE DRESS, SHIT! Special Head, sis? What’s the secret? Did she just call ODELL a sis? I AGREE ABAOUT KHALID. He ain’t a rapper, tho. This bitch is really crazy. BEAT SWITCH. I’m bobbing! AW SHIT NOW! Spanish-ish! FLOW SWITCH! Okay, girl… You have big titties.
4. Rich Sex (Ft. Lil Wayne): This is my second time hearing this. It still sounds like a prostitute’s anthem. The beat is good tho. Fat transfer just simply doesn’t rhyme… I’m sorry. I still love Wayne. He sounds like he just came from the dentist, but we love him. All hoes are bouncing right now. I’m…not.
5. Hard White: Young Thug ghostwrote this. I know his vocals. The fairest? Hmm… Let’s not talk about pleas, niece. Please. I don’t like this chorus. You’re not a prodigy over 30, Nicki. That’s not how it works. “I ain’t never have to strip…” But… You STEEL did (All credit to Tisha Campbell-Martin)
6. Bed (Ft. Ariana Grande): My first hearing. It still doesn’t seem to be the nasty bitch anthem I wanted. -_- I won’t be playing this again. I think I’m good. It’s the white bop. I’ll let them have it. “I’m tryna clap em like somebody said gimme five.” Eh. I really wanted a hoe bop.
7. Thought I knew you (Ft. The Weeknd): I’ll TAKE IT. I usually don’t do weekends but YES MA’AM. Not these ad-libs, though… The beat is good. And someone mastered THE HELL outta her vocals! Go head, sis! I can see this being my fave. I’m bobbing. I love a good distant bar! Come on dead presidents! Okay. She may be having a seizure at the end…
8. Run & Hide: I don’t like this beginning. STEEL SINGING (All credit to Tisha Campbell-Martin). “Who am I to run and hide?” This is “Right Through Me” part 2. I bet she’s gonna say this is her most honest body of work yet… She ain’t say shit, tho…
9. Chun Swae (Ft. Swae Lee): I’M A SWAE STAN! SING HEIFFER! SING RIGHT NOW! Oh… She’s rapping. I forgot this was her song. I’m still rocking. It’s stupid as hell but I like it. OKAY BITCH! RAP FAST THEN! 4 more minutes? I think this could have been “Beach Is Better (Jay-Z)” short. Leave us wanting more. Anyway, Swae is SINGING! Falsetto! This verse isn’t captivating me. I still agree with myself. Go the “Beach Is Better” route. She sounds like she may be stroking out. Get her some medical attention. SING SWAE! Somebody link up Swae with Earth, Wind, and Fire… He can be Water. Girl… These shout-outs can be on the album sleeve like everybody else. She really does need medical attention.
10. Chun-Li: It was my favorite of the double singles the dropped. I’m skipping it, though.
11. LLC: Hmm… Yes. I like this. RAP HOE! RAP FOR THE KINGDOM! Okay girl… We’re carrying on. This chorus is it! “On blood…” Now, granddaughter… I won’t. She turned into Big Sean for a moment and he SHOULD be on this song. ACTUALLY, Kash Doll, too… I know it just won’t happen… I’m carrying on, hoe, damn… This blood foolishness must cease.
12. Good Form: My booty cheeks are moving involuntarily. SHOULDA BEEN THE FIRST SINGLE. SHOULD. HAVE. BEEN. THE. FIRST. SINGLE. What was your team doing, baby? I’m proud of this one!
13. Nip Tuck: Hmm. She’s singing but I’ll take it. As long as I NEVER have to hear it live. The lesbians will love this one. Especially the femmes on Snapchat. Child! I just realized there ar 6 more tracks… I’m ready to move on to something else, daughter.
14. 2 Lil 2 Late Interlude: I like! Chun-Swae shoulda been an interlude as well.
15. Come See About Me: No, thank you. I mean… Thanks so much, but… No. Give these vocals to Young Thug, Quavo and Swae Lee. There are 3 more minutes left of this song. I don’t think I can make it. This sounds like Christian contemporary and I’m… I will not be listening again. I don’t even know what she’s singing about… This is another one of those songs that she’s gonna tell us was really honest, but I can’t get past the vocals to hear the lyrics. I’m Deadass serious. I can’t hear anything but ‘Come see about me.”
16. Sir (Ft. Future): Not into the beginning. Zaytoven and Metro Boomin’. LEAVE ARETHA OUTTA THIS! Give her her R-E-S-P-E-C-T! I kinda dig it. Where’s Future? Here he is! It’s weird hearing him say sir. I doubt he says it IRL. Pro Tip: You don’t have to rhyme when you say sir at the end of each stanza. Singing…
17. Miami: Okay… Hmm… I’m tapping my foot. OKAY GIRL YOU HAVE TITTIES! SHEESH! Get saved and Level up like CIARA. Who’s grandson is this talking? Why aren’t Trina or City Girls (free JT) on this? I’ll even take Miami Tip. This coulda been an interlude, too. They certainly are f*cking with her.
18. Coco Chanel (Ft. Foxy Brown): Yes. Also… Foxy Brown, where is my money? My $900? Where is it? I’m liking this. I’m doing that Jay-Z head bob. I feel like she shoulda been speaking French since Coco Chanel was…FRENCH. Good to hear from you Inga. Call back soon. Be safe getting home. Remember when Queen Latifah cussed the hell outta Foxy? I sure do. Oh yeah. This song is still on…
19. Inspirations Outro: This outro is actually a great way to end an album. I could have been tacked on to the original song, though.

Overall thoughts: I can skip the first 6 songs if I’m being honest. The latter half was better and really could have been separate. I’ll give it a B+ because I am de generous queen (ask miss Ellen).

​Now Playing | Hurts Like Hell by Aretha Franklin
Me walking this old crusty, musty, dirty Earth and ARETHA ‘QUEEN OF SOUL’ FRANKLIN not being alive is not something I’ve prepared for. It’s not something I ever thought I would have to prepare for, but here we are. Aretha Louise Franklin has gone to Glory and I’m unsure what to do with myself. Is morning acceptable? Should I celebrate her life instead?
Let’s take it back a bit… I, unfortunately, am not one of those lucky people who can tell you how old I was or where I was when I first heard an Aretha song. She (much like Journey and Bon Jovie is to white people) was just there. Aretha was probably played in the hospital room the day I was born. Most children of the black American experience born in or after the 60’s was born to Aretha simply being. There was no beginning. She just was. So, I can’t tell you when I first heard Aretha Franklin sing and how I was blown away by it, but I can tell you when I first connected with her.
I was 11 years old, aggressively lonely, and had just come home from the worst summer of my life. I don’t want to get too deep in my business but know I was abused pretty badly (and it took me nearly a decade to realize that. Can you BELIEVE?) and my home life wasn’t great by any stretch. The only thing I had to keep me sane at the time were books and my iPod (those things were brand new back then, so I was THAT GIRL). This was back when you had to load physical CDs onto your computer, then to your iTunes software, THEN wait a couple of hours for it to transfer the music onto the iPod. I was looking through my dad’s CDs. There was Ruth Brown, Little Richard, The Temptations, The Supremes, Nina Simone, Muddy Waters, Aretha Franklin, and literally hundreds more. I loaded as much as I could onto my little 16 gigabytes of data. And I listened to them incessantly. Somehow, I got stuck on Aretha. I think it’s because by this point, she was a grandmother exuding grandmotherly qualities and my own grandmother had just done a complete 180 degree turn on me and gone from being my secondary (and sometimes primary, depending on my mother’s work schedule) caretaker, to an uncompromising disciplinarian who makes me feel like nothing I do is good or worth talking about. I fell down the musical rabbit hole. I asked my mother if I could make ‘(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman’ my ringtone because It was such a beautiful song (and I was fake deep). The answer was a big no. According to her, it was too grown.
When I was 17, Patti LaHelle’s web series Got 2 B Real came out and introduced me to Aretha’s shade. It was fictionalized but based in reality and it introduced me to a whole new world. I was born shady, but seeing Aretha (the character) sit and drag Patti, Dionne, Mariah, Beyoncé, Diana, and literally every other sangin’ heiffa brought it to the forefront for me. I’ll never be able to thank Patti LaHelle for the joy she’s created by making lighthearted shade something fun to do with friends (and nem).
Nearly every day, from 11 to now 24, I’ve listened to Aretha Franklin. She was my musical grandmother. She was a musical ICON. She was a shade extraordinaire. She was literal history. Detroit history. US history. Black history. World history. She was ACCOMPLISHED and she was LOVED.